


Gotta Get With My Friends

by obsession_inc



Category: Angel: the Series, The Office (US)
Genre: Crossover, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-04
Updated: 2008-06-04
Packaged: 2017-10-03 04:31:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsession_inc/pseuds/obsession_inc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kelly needs a vacation in L.A. after getting dumped by Ryan.  Spoilers through the end of Season 3 for <i>The Office</i> and the end of the full series for <i>Angel</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gotta Get With My Friends

**Author's Note:**

> For [](http://sophia-helix.livejournal.com/profile)[**sophia_helix**](http://sophia-helix.livejournal.com/), who asked for Kelly/Spike, but was more than willing to accept Kelly and Harmony hanging out instead. This was meant to be commentfic for her but it kind of BALLOONED. I accept no responsibility for this even though I had a hell of a good time.
> 
> Title from the Spice Girls song. Don't pretend you don't know which one.

Los Angeles air looks just like it does in the movies, which should sound stupid, because air isn't supposed to look like anything, but it _does_. Like it's special-clear or sparkly without actually sparkling, so even though Kelly knows that, duh, there's a lot of pollution going on, it's not like she's walking around in clouds of soot, so at least it's _pretty_ pollution. It makes everything look so bright and sharp-edged and _there_, just like the movies, and when Kelly catches her reflection in a window, it's like _she's_ in the movies, too, and it's just soooo awesome. She window-shops a lot longer than she ought to in these shoes-- well, longer than she should in any shoes worth owning-- just so she can keep checking herself out. It's like she's some whole other girl in those windows, super-cute with a killer outfit and great hair and looking really really confident. That girl, right there, would never get dumped because her boyfriend got a better job and was moving to the big city and-- well. This is why mirrors are awesome.

It's practically dark out already and the reflections are getting kind of muzzy but she still checks one last time while she's walking to see if the streetlights are making her earrings sparkle (answer: yes) and then she totally trips over this blonde chick in a pink dress, just BOOM. They both almost fall and end up clutching each other's arms, swaying on their respective heels for a long tottery minute and making babbly kinds of squawking noises that don't count as real words.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry!" Kelly gasps. "I didn't see you! I was just-- I was-- um--"

"No, it's okay, I didn't see you coming, I was just looking at that outfit in the window and I kind of slowed down and--"

"I should have been looking where I was going--"

"No, no, no, it's okay, it's okay. Hey, um, is this cashmere?" The chick pats Kelly's sleeve with an appreciative touch.

"Cash_mink_, actually."

"Oooh. Where'd you get it?"

"Um, this place right in LAX? I don't know, I got off the plane and I've just been waiting so long to shop in L.A., I just kinda had to start the minute I got here. You like it, though?"

"I like it, it's really cute!" the chick says, nodding and tipping her head a little with her eyebrows way up like she's surprised just _how_ cute. Kelly gets that a lot. "Oh, I'm Harmony by the way."

"I'm Kelly." They both shuffle their shopping bags around so they can shake hands; Harmony's is perfectly manicured and really kind of chilly for being out in this gorgeous weather. "Harmony, I like it. Do you have a sister named Melody?"

Harmony gapes at her. "Oh my God, I do, how did you know?"

Kelly shrugs. "I dunno, sometimes I'm kind of psychic?"

"Cool, me too!" Harmony does a little bounce. "Ooh, let me see what I can get for you. Okay, Kelly, you're in L.A. for, for... vacation?"

"I am!" Kelly squawks, delighted. "That's awesome. And you, um..." She squints a little. "You live here."

"I do!" Harmony seems really happy about that. "Wow, very nice work on the psychitude."

"That was from your shoes, actually," Kelly admits. "Those are totally California shoes."

Harmony looks down at her feet, points one and twists it in a totally Dorthy-in-the-ruby-slippers pose. "Really? But these are _old_! I got them off a girl back at college. It's been, like, years and _years_."

"No, get out! They look brand-new."

"You like them, seriously?" Harmony seems really nervous about this. Kelly feels kind of sorry for the poor kid.

"I really really do. On the one hand they're casual, and on the other hand they're, like, showing your toes in a really cute way, like they're being coy or something, so they're very flirty." Kelly considers them. "You ever try them with a sort of fifties-style dress? Like a, whaddayoucallit, a frock? Knee-length full skirt, no sleeves, boat collar?"

Harmony looks like she's been struck dumb. "Oh. My. God," she finally says, staring right at Kelly. "No I have _not_ but I know exactly the dress you're talking about, they've got one down the street at this little place called Oh So Ho--"

"SoHo, like in New York?"

"No, like 'you're so'-- never mind, it's ironic or something, they've got all this retro stuff, the point is that I seriously have to try that dress on now."

"Are they still open?"

Harmony checks her watch. "Yeeeesss? For, like, half an hour."

"Oh my God, well let's get _going_." Kelly prods Harmony into motion. "I think we owe this to the universe to put that dress and those shoes together. You've got time, right?"

"Oh hell yes."

***

"You have to buy it," Kelly squeals, clapping her hands in happiness.

"You think?" Harmony twirls around, tries to check behind her. "How's it look in the back?"

"It's great. Wait, there's a big three-way mirror over there. Go see for yourself how amazing you look." Kelly reaches to grab her arm.

Harmony pulls away really fast, looking a little weird. "No, no, I trust your judgment."

Kelly likes that idea. It's like she's one of the Go Fug Yourself girls, only being all helpful instead of snarky. "It's really good," she assures Harmony. "Really, really. You look like Grace Kelly."

"Oh, _wow_," Harmony breathes, and smooths her hands carefully down the skirt. "I never even thought of trying that. Wow. Okay, I'm buying it, I really am." She retreats into the dressing room and closes the little slatted door.

Kelly lasts about half a second before she's bored already and wants to talk more. "So what do you do?"

Harmony makes a puzzled noise. "Like, for work?"

"_Yeah_ work, duh." Like that question ever meant anything else.

"Um, well, I'm kind of between jobs at the moment? I used to work at a big law firm downtown--"

"You're a lawyer?" Visions of _Ally McBeal_ are dancing in Kelly's head.

"No, um, more of an executive assistant for the CEO kind of thing. It was pretty cool, though, I met a _lot_ of people, and I got to be all official and say things like 'Mr. Angel will see you now' and spend money on catering and stuff, which was really, really great. I liked that part a lot."

"That sounds cool," Kelly says. "So what happened? Why'd you quit?"

"Um. Well, the whole place kind of blew up, big corporate meltdown sort of thing, so the whole place is gone now. I got a really good recommendation out of it, but, I don't know, the other places I've worked haven't been the same." She sighs. "I just want to do something halfway worthwhile for a change. I used to. I miss it. I keep trying to find the same sort of thing again, and it just doesn't work out. There are way too many _evil_ evil law firms, and I'd rather just work for a _kind_ of evil law firm, you know?"

"Absolutely," Kelly agrees, halfway following this, but based on what she's seen on television she's pretty sure that all law firms are kind of evil, so that makes sense.

"So what do _you_ do?"

"Customer service for a paper distributor." Kelly can rattle it off without thinking too hard about the individual words. "Like, people call me all day, and they have problems, and I get to be nice to them and solve their problems and make them happier! It's like ten kinds of awesome."

"That sounds really neat," Harmony says. She sounds jealous. "Just making people happy all day, that sounds like the perfect job."

"It _is_ really cool," Kelly admits, feeling good about it for the first time in over a month. "Except for--"

"--a guy?" Harmony interrupts, stepping out of the dressing room in her regular clothes.

Kelly gapes at her. "You really have to stop being so psychic."

Harmony makes a face. "Oh, please, like I needed to. Boys are like, the root of all issues." She hesitates. "I think. A friend of mine from high school used to say that."

"Sounds about right," Kelly sighs.

"So what happened?"

"Oh, you know, the usual. I dated this stupid jerk from work for like two whole years and then he got a better job at corporate and dumped me so that he could go screw New York girls."

"Oh, _honey_," Harmony gasps in horror. She pauses, biting her lip, and then settles herself and says, "Well. Well, um-- you look really, really cute."

Kelly finds herself giggling in spite of still being kind of depressed over the whole Ryan thing. "You," she says, "are definitely awesome." She links arms with Harmony and leads her over toward the cash register. "How about you buy this fabulous dress, and then we'll go get some totally girly drinks and I'll tell you the whole story."

***

"He never appreciated me," Kelly announces into the depths of her second margarita. "I mean, I was a _great_ girlfriend. His clothes were _so_ much better after I started telling him what he should wear, and do you think he ever said thank you for that?"

"They never do," Harmony sighed. "This one guy I dated, back at college? I gave him _everything_. Like, all my time, and all my, my mental energy? and what do you think he did?"

"Another woman?" Kelly guesses.

Harmony points at her while sipping her bloody mary. "God you are _so_ psychic I can't even stand it. _Yes_ another woman, only he didn't even have the good taste to leave me for her, he just mooned around after her without doing anything while he still kept dating _me_, and God, it was just so _embarrassing_." She tosses her hair back and sighs into the air. "I mean, I didn't know it at the time. Obviously I wouldn't put up with that sort of thing if I _knew_ about it, right?"

"Right!" Kelly says, feeling very chipper and supportive.

"So I didn't know, but apparently everybody else did. _I_ thought he hated her, but, yeah, in retrospect the whole thing was way suspicious. He was a little obsessive over the whole thing. Super weird. I really should have known he was weird about women because he still had this thing for his ex, but I thought that was just because they'd been together forever, like, literally, _for-ev-er_. How was I supposed to know that was a _pattern_?"

"You can't, you know," Kelly tells her firmly. "It was totally not your fault. Boys are naturally messed up, like their hormones make them stupid."

"I know, I know, I-- oh wait!" Harmony gasps, waving one hand frantically in the air in front of her. "I just remembered where I was going with that whole thing. The way he dressed? God, I have to tell you. It was like he'd crawled out of the punk rock era and never figured out that there have been major advances made in the field since then. Seriously."

"Like, denim punk or leather punk?" Kelly asks.

"Leather."

"Hrm." She considers it. "Leather's hot, at least."

"I know, I thought so too, but he could mix things up a little, right? Anything gets old after a while. Leather, vodka, bondage, anything."

"Oh, I know," Kelly sighs. "And boys never figure that out 'cause they're like, 'well, it worked at first, so it will work forever!' Only, really not."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Harmony says, all excited. "Like, they think they only have to learn stuff the one time and it will cover every situation ever. Hello, context much?"

"I know!" A sudden twinge of guilt hits Kelly as she notices the time. "Oh, wow, am I keeping you out past your bedtime?"

"Nah." Harmony drain her bloody mary and sets it aside, blotting her mouth daintily on a napkin. "I'm pretty much a total night person."

"Oh, good," Kelly says. She blinks at the money that Harmony is carefully counting out. "Wait, are you leaving?"

"No, _we_ are." Harmony hops off her bar stool and gives Kelly's hand a tug. "Do you like karaoke?"

"_Do_ I?" Kelly breaks into a huge grin. "Oh my God, you have no idea."

"Awesome! Come on. You'll love this place, it is so crazy. It's owned by this guy I used to work with? I don't know, he used to run a bar, and then he didn't, and now he does again and it's fabulous. And _much_ better bloody marys than this place, trust me on this."

"Not really my drink," Kelly says, wrinkling her nose, "but if they do a good chocolate martini, I'm _so_ there."

***

This is totally the weirdest bar Kelly has ever, ever been to, half the people are in these totally random Halloween costumes, and there are sparkly things _everywhere_, and there's this big trick mirror wall that only shows half the people in the room for some reason, but it is _fantastic_. She is so in love with Los Angeles it isn't funny, because where else would anyone think of putting on green makeup and horns to host karaoke? Only in L.A., for reals. It is unquestionably awesome.

The green guy gets down from the stage so that some dude in a homemade Chewbacca costume can start singing "Sexyback", and he and Harmony do air kisses on both cheeks. Then he gives her a look. "Still on the up and up?" he asks. "Come on, give us a hum." Harmony rolls her eyes and hums the first few bars of a Gwen Stefani song, kinda off-key but Kelly isn't going to say anything. The green guy, who is so totally and adorably gay, nods in this satisfied way and pats her on the cheek. "Good girl," he says. "So! Who's this little miss?"

Harmony makes with the introductory gestures. "Lorne, this is my brand new super-best friend Kelly. Kelly, this is my friend from where I used to work, Lorne."

Lorne lifts Kelly's hand and kisses it like somebody out of _Marie Antoinette_. "Enchanted." He doesn't let go of her hand right away, but looks at her nails. "Oooh, I love the color. What's it called?"

Kelly giggles. "It's Naughty Nautical. MAC."

"It's perfect on you. Gorgeous. And look at _you_," he says, turning to Harmony. "This is a new look on you. I like it, I like it. I'm digging the retro, especially with those _shoes_."

"I did that," Kelly says proudly. "We just bought that dress a couple of hours ago and then I made her change into it at the other bar."

"A beacon of taste in a galaxy of crap," Lorne says, raising his eyebrows appreciatively. "So! What will you ladies be having? Bloody mary for you, Harm?"

"Yeah, with the--" Harmony cuts herself off and glances at Kelly. "Um, you know how I like it, right?"

"Sweetie, after listening to your last set here I know entirely too _much_ about how you like it. Coming right up. And for you, Kelly-doll?"

Kelly tips her head and considers. "I don't know. Surprise me."

"Hmm." Lorne squints and purses his lips a little. "Do me a favor, just sing me a few bars of the first song that pops into your mind."

Kelly blinks. "Like, right now?"

"Right now, baby girl."

It's a weird idea, but Kelly's just drunk enough to think it sounds completely reasonable. "Okay," she says, closes her eyes, and launches into "Brown Eyed Girl".

Lorne interrupts right as she's about to swing into the second verse. "Okay, okay," he says. "I got it, loud and clear. What you need," he announces, pouring a drink with great style, "is a cranberry juice and midori. Have you had that before?"

Kelly looks at Harmony, then back. "I've never even heard of that."

"Try it, sugar-buns, you'll love it, I promise."

She accepts the glass suspiciously and sniffs it. "Smells okay," she admits, and takes a ginger sip. "Oooh!"

"What'd I tell you?" Lorne looks way too smug for a guy in green Halloween makeup. "The perfect blend of sweet and sour, just like a certain little lady of my acquaintance, and just like life should be."

"Hrmph." Kelly is pretty sure that being psychoanalyzed based on a verse of a Van Morrison song is crazy. In fact, she's absolutely positive about that.

On the other hand, the drink _is_ pretty good.

***

On her third cranberry-juice-and-midori, and after rocking the hell out of a whole set of Kelly Clarkson songs, Kelly ends up stirring the drink endlessly with the little plastic stick and kind of staring off into space. She's vaguely aware that Harmony is saying stuff, but it's kind of blending in with the whole big blur of sound going on around her.

"Hey." Harmony body-checks her gently. "Kelly."

"Hmm?" Kelly looks up, feeling kind of dazed. "Uh-huh?"

"You're kind of zoning on me," Harmony says. "You okay?"

"No," Kelly says bluntly. "I don't like this."

Harmony recoils a little. "Oh. Um, we could go somewhere else? Maybe?"

"Oh, no no no," Kelly reassures her, "not like I don't like _this_, because I really like this place and Lorne is really nice and this drink is just plain fantastic. I meant I don't, I don't like feeling like this."

"Like what?" Harmony asks.

"Like, like all my insides are full of yuck. Like somehow it was my fault that stupid Ryan broke up with me. It's _not_," she says forcefully. "I didn't do _anything_. We were just going along like normal, and then he just, he just--" She bites back tears, and that turns into a hiccup, and before she knows it she's crying _and_ hiccuping, leaning on Harmony's cool shoulder while Harm pats her back gently. "He _dumped_ me!" she sobs.

"I know," Harmony says.

"Why did he do that?"

Harmony's shoulder moves up and down in a shrug. "I don't know, why do boys do anything?"

Kelly mulls that one over for a moment, tries it out to see if it'll plug the hole. It doesn't, not quite. "But he was _mean_," she cries.

"They're all mean," Harmony says dolefully. "The good ones just kind of hide it for a while."

Kelly pulls away and huffs at her. "You are _supposed_ to be _comforting_ me here, for God's sake!"

"I'm trying!" Harmony shrills. "There's just not a lot for me to work with, you know? I don't know a lot of guys who aren't complete shits!"

"Well maybe you should!"

"What, I should go out right now and meet some nice guys so I can come back and make you feel better about your life? Right now?"

"Yes!" Kelly yells, and Harmony gives her this _look_ like she's lost her mind, and it's just all so stupid that Kelly starts laughing-- sniffling and laughing and coughing and laughing and hiccuping. It's a total mess. Harmony stares at her for a second and then she starts laughing, too, and they end up leaning on each other, gasping for air and giggling hysterically. "Okay," Kelly finally admits, "that wasn't really what I meant."

"I know."

"Because you're psychic?"

"Yeah," Harmony agrees comfortably. "Why not."

Kelly sits up and wipes under her eyes with a napkin, coming up with a big mess of mascara. "Ugh," she mutters, "I knew it was too soon to go with anything besides waterproof." She grabs a new napkin to blow her nose.

"You know what," Harmony says, sitting up really straight all of a sudden, "you should _do_ something to him."

"Huh?"

"Like, revenge." Harmony holds a hand up like she's taking an oath. "It'll make you feel better, I swear."

"Eh, I don't know," Kelly shrugs. "I've thought about it, but egging his car seems way too high school, you know, and setting fire to his house seems kind of over the top. And, you know, crazy."

"We'll just have to think of something better, then," Harmony assures her.

They both prop their heads on their fists, listening to a guy in a black robe that's way too big for him-- like, his face is back in the hood so far it's pretty much invisible-- sing "Love Cats" in a really really deep, gravelly voice. Around the second chorus, the idea hits both of them at the same time. "Oh my God," Kelly says, her mouth falling open in awe.

"I know, oh my _God_," Harmony laughs, and starts waving frantically at Lorne.

"You are so psychic."

"No, you are. Do you have his number?"

"Oh _yeah_ I do." Kelly fumbles her cell phone out of her purse.

Lorne looks suspicious before he gets anywhere near the table. "Yeeeesss?"

"Can you do us a favor?" Harmony asks breathlessly.

"Yeah," Kelly chimes in, "can you find out if that guy does requests?"

***

"He won't be able to trace this, right?" Kelly asks. She's not having second thoughts, exactly, but she has the vague idea from _Law &amp; Order_ re-runs that having some guy threaten her ex-boyfriend over state lines might be illegal, or something else ill-advised.

"It's untraceable," Lorne assures her. "His phone won't even ring. It'll be like it just appeared in his voice mail by magic."

Harmony rolls her eyes.

"Okay," Kelly says, and turns to the guy in the giant floppy robe. "You good to go?"

"I'm cool," the guy rumbles. "Ryan Howard, right?"

"Right."

The guy dials the phone with the longest, skinniest fingers Kelly's ever seen. Harmony reaches over and grabs Kelly's hand, squeezes it in sheer excitement. Kelly squeezes back, holding her breath.

The robe guy turns his head to one side and clears his throat, then he sort of _looms_ over the phone. "RYAN HOWARD," he roars, his voice even deeper and more freaky than when he was singing. "THIS IS THE VOICE OF YOUR IMMINENT DEMISE. YOU HAVE DISPLEASED THE POWERS OF THE UNDERWORLD AND YOUR DOOM IS SEALED. MAKE YOUR FAREWELLS TO YOUR FAMILY, RYAN HOWARD. IN THREE DAYS' TIME YOU WILL MEET YOUR DEATH." He hangs up and sketches a little bow, skinny fingers curling into his chest, the robe drooping toward the floor.

Kelly and Harmony break into spontaneous applause, and so does the little crowd gathered around them. "Oh, wow," Kelly crows, "that was _so cool!_"

"Just that?" the guy asks, handing Kelly's phone back. "You don't need me to really do anything to him?"

"Oooh, yeah, hang on." Lorne reaches over and claps the guy on the back, saying something into his ear-- well, the side of his hood-- that Kelly doesn't catch.

"Oh," the guy says. "Okay, then. No worries." He gives them a little wave and heads back to his table.

Harmony looks over at Kelly. "So?"

"I feel better!" Kelly says, throwing her arms open, feeling like she wants to give the whole world a big hug.

"Big yay!" Harmony throws her arms open, too, and gives Kelly a hug, and they bounce up and down a little in glee. "This is so awesome," she says as she lets go and sits back on her chair. "Wait-- oh my God, Kelly!" She stares at Kelly, her eyes wide. "Oh my God! I think I know what I want to do for a new job!"

"Yeah?"

"This!" Harmony points vaguely in the air. "Like you said! People have problems, and you solve them, and make them happier!"

"Oh my God!" Kelly shrieks, and launches in for another hug. "That's so great! Like going into business for yourself, right? Freelance revenge on bad boyfriends?"

Lorne, off to one side, makes a thoughtful noise. "Actually," he says, "I know a guy you should talk to. I'm pretty sure he has a job opening in just that area."

Harmony emits a wordless, happy yelp.

"That is _awesome_," Kelly laughs. "You guys. You _guys_. For serious, this is the very best night of my life." She grabs her glass and lifts a giddy toast at Harmony. "Here's to you!"

Harmony lifts her glass, too, giggling uncontrollably. "And to you right back!"

On a whim, Kelly tries to wind her arm around Harmony's to do the wedding-champagne-toast thing, but they get tangled and almost spill, and when Kelly ducks in to try to get a sip of her drink she ends up with her mouth planted firmly on Harmony's. There's a moment where they both freeze in surprise-- honestly, she wasn't planning this-- but otherwise it's just like back in college. Harmony's lips are soft, and cool, and Kelly can feel them twist up in a smile before she and Harmony lean back and look at each other, grinning like idiots.

"Here's to both of you crazy kids," Lorne says, tipping an electric blue drink at them. "Now shaddup and siddown, you're distracting everyone from the real show."

"I was so right," Kelly says, settling down with her head on Harmony's shoulder. "Los Angeles is just the _best_."

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, a) I have a thing for sending characters out to drink and b) they always seem to end up bitching about guys and c) these wacky crossovers are the only time I seem to veer in a slashward direction. I do not know why this is.
> 
> There are a few nods to [](http://dollsome.livejournal.com/profile)[**dollsome**](http://dollsome.livejournal.com/)'s Kelly stories in here, which is fair enough because I never would have started writing Kelly-POV stuff in the first place without her. Kelly did not get an appletini here because I used it in commentfic for Katy just the night before and didn't feel like repeating myself, but [](http://sophia-helix.livejournal.com/profile)[**sophia_helix**](http://sophia-helix.livejournal.com/) came to the rescue by asking for the cranberry-and-midori drink.
> 
> Most of the song selections come from desperate scrolling through my iTunes, but when I got stuck on what a demon that sounds like Death would sing for karaoke, I asked my husband, and since he was watching _The Mighty Boosh_ at the time, he answered "Love Cats". So there you go.
> 
> Many, many thanks to [](http://sophia-helix.livejournal.com/profile)[**sophia_helix**](http://sophia-helix.livejournal.com/) for shamelessly taking advantage of me when I was intoxicated and demanding fic. (You wench.) This has been a hell of a good time and an awesome break from endless angst in the _Iron Man_ NeverEndingFic. Hope you guys like it, too.
> 
> Man. Now I really miss _Buffy_.


End file.
